Which only makes you more suspicious. And dangerous.
You're the type of woman to plan everything before you say it. You think I don't know how dangerous words can be? A few wrong words were all it took to nearly end the Belmonts.
Unfortunately for articulate vampires everywhere, one was especially scrappy.
Everyone contributes something here. What else do you have to do except creep around and mope?
Or you can always try setting up camp outside. After all, night creatures shouldn't be any danger to you. And it's only the dead of winter, but what's a little cold to a thing like you, anyway?
[ Any insight he may have offered is about to be immediately negated by cringe. ]
Precisely! And yet!
Alucard returned from his watch last month looking like he needed to go back to sleep for a few decades, and he was fucking ceaseless with his sneezing and coffin.
They say that geniuses are always underappreciated in their own lifetime.
I can't believe I am even asking, because I don't actually care, but how did you usually pass the time? When you weren't planning the genocide of all humans, I mean. Obviously.
Any of that would involve you actually going out to do something, you know. Can't picture it.
I suppose you'll need new hobbies. Like dusting. Laundry. Can you even manage that?
Or you can stop haunting the place and prove me wrong by actually making yourself useful. You may as well help clear some of your former neighbors out of the woods the next time I head through.
At the very least, you might confuse them witless for a moment by judging the cadence of their growls or something like that, which could perhaps help slightly speed up the 'mindless slaughter'.
If you ever did go outside, you absolutely seem like the type who would kidnap virgins and convince them it was for their own good. So I assume you danced around batting your eyelashes, convincing stupid vampires to think that your ideas were their ideas all along.
You probably used the really pretty words so they wouldn't notice that you were saying how foolish you thought they actually were.
That's a job you could have managed, right? Spewing cow shit and calling it conversation.
It's called diplomacy. I'm actually quite nice compared to most vampires, I'd say. I see the value in discussion and communication whereas others do not.
Except for his dream team, but they bonded through mutual violence against vampires. ]
For someone who's supposed to excel at diplomacy, you're terrible at humoring your host, who was only attempting to keep you from glooming up the place.
[ An excellently trashed attempt at cheering someone up, as usual! Why is he so butthurt about nobody laughing at his jokes... ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Someone who claims to be bored shouldn't act so finicky.
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one and a half.
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Can't be for the jokes — because you have no sense of humor, as we've already established.
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If you want something to do that's actually useful, you can always go hunt some of the other monsters that Hell shat out.
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[Okay, maybe she hissed upon first encounter, but she was very confused.]
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You're the type of woman to plan everything before you say it. You think I don't know how dangerous words can be? A few wrong words were all it took to nearly end the Belmonts.
Unfortunately for articulate vampires everywhere, one was especially scrappy.
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[Because it's like, one v. way too many powerful people if she acts up. She knows she'd lose.]
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And helping with a chore or two.
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Chores? [She hasn't done a chore in her life, even when she was human.] Like what? Don't you have help for that?
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Or you can always try setting up camp outside. After all, night creatures shouldn't be any danger to you. And it's only the dead of winter, but what's a little cold to a thing like you, anyway?
Can a vampire even get sick?
[ ...asks the Belmont.
But just wait. Wait for it. ]
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She'll just ignore most of what he said! Not important.]
Shouldn't you know that?
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Precisely! And yet!
Alucard returned from his watch last month looking like he needed to go back to sleep for a few decades, and he was fucking ceaseless with his sneezing and coffin.
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They say that geniuses are always underappreciated in their own lifetime.
I can't believe I am even asking, because I don't actually care, but how did you usually pass the time? When you weren't planning the genocide of all humans, I mean. Obviously.
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I suppose you'll need new hobbies. Like dusting. Laundry. Can you even manage that?
Or you can stop haunting the place and prove me wrong by actually making yourself useful. You may as well help clear some of your former neighbors out of the woods the next time I head through.
No more boredom.
For a little while.
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I never had to dust or do laundry, even before I was a vampire. And as a vampire, I've never much enjoyed mindless slaughter.
But I suppose a walk in the woods now and then would break up the monotony here. And if I am attacked, I'll have no choice but to defend myself.
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Brilliant.
At the very least, you might confuse them witless for a moment by judging the cadence of their growls or something like that, which could perhaps help slightly speed up the 'mindless slaughter'.
Look at that, you may be useful, after all.
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You probably used the really pretty words so they wouldn't notice that you were saying how foolish you thought they actually were.
That's a job you could have managed, right? Spewing cow shit and calling it conversation.
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It's called diplomacy. I'm actually quite nice compared to most vampires, I'd say. I see the value in discussion and communication whereas others do not.
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Except for his dream team, but they bonded through mutual violence against vampires. ]
For someone who's supposed to excel at diplomacy, you're terrible at humoring your host, who was only attempting to keep you from glooming up the place.
[ An excellently trashed attempt at cheering someone up, as usual! Why is he so butthurt about nobody laughing at his jokes... ]
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[She's not gonna fake a laugh when it's not funny!]
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I don't have much reason to lie, do I? I'm at your mercy. I am very aware of where the chess pieces are.
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How are you at knucklebones?